Tuesday's Gone

Tuesday is without a doubt my least favorite day of the week.  Most people would probably tell you Monday for obvious reasons.  But at least on Monday, there is a shared camaraderie amongst all those weekend warriors still mentally hung over, and it's the one day of the week when you can easily engage in required trite conversation.  As a kid, Sunday was the worst because I suffered from a perpetual state of dread for school on Monday morning that sometimes even bled back into Saturday night.   Wednesday is "Hump Day," a distinguishment in and of itself that is cool.*   Also, when I try and picture the crescendo people are referring to when they talk about "getting over the midweek hump," I envision none other than Joe Camel passing me a cigarette as I slide down the hump on his back.  Thirsty Thursday was definitely the best night of college.  There was never a plan, and yet it was always random, fun, and filled with unexpected happenings, like the time Beth Regan attempted to strangle me with my own tie at the Theta Social.  And Friday, who on earth doesn't like Friday?  With Saturday night of course comes the pinnacle of all weekend activity, but unfortunately once you reach that climactic peak, there's no where to go but downwards...which I'd say happens by Tuesday afternoon. That's the nadir of existence. Right now.

In spite of my dour outlook towards Tuesday, Rock n' Roll has immortalized this day more than any other.  Tuesday's Gone, Ruby Tuesday and Tuesday Afternoon are among the greatest classic rock songs of all time, and on the surface, all long for the second day in the work week.  Perhaps it's because Tuesday is such a terrible day that anything remotely decent coming from it inspires lyrical celebration.   But then again, if we look deeper into these song meanings, aren't they all actually rejoicing in the passing of Tuesday and a dawning of a new day, rather than commemorating its memory?   Lynyrd Skynrd's  "Tuesday's Gone with the wind" might sound like an anthem of nostalgia, but if you open your DVD of Dazed and Confused to the scene where the keg runs dry, you'll hear none other than Tuesday's Gone. The Rolling Stones'  Ruby Tuesday is rumored to be about Keith Richards' spastic groupie girlfriend who ended up leaving him with nothing but a pair of panties on the way to shacking up with Jimi Hendrix. Good riddance. And The Moody Blues' Tuesday Afternoon was originally titled Forever Afternoon, probably to point out that Tuesday can feel like an eternity.

So there you have it, the sword in the scrotum that is Tuesday.  Nonetheless, as Tuesday afternoon slowly turns into Tuesday night, I start to distance myself from this dreaded day.  And in the immortal words of Ronnie Van Zant, I sing, "Won't you please take me far away?"

*Wednesday is the night you are most likely to have sex with a stranger according to star statistician Nate Silver.  I wonder how many dudes use the term "Hump Day" in their hookup approach.