1) Sex with an Ex
Falling back into something comfortable is easy and in the short term might feel good. It's also catastrophically unhealthy and counterintuitive to the principles of moving on and finding a more compatible companion, and you should know that by now. Don't even call you ex. It's best to assume he or she is married with kids.
2) Smiley Faces
Texting is something all us thirty-somethings lived without for the majority of life. We've also lived without smiley faces since fourth grade. So unless you are communicating with a ten year old (and let's hope that's your niece or nephew), do yourself a favor and skip out on texting smiley faces...and LOL
3) Empty Pantries
Hummus and expired milk shouldn't be the only thing you have in your fridge anymore.
4) Wearing Shorts
Yeah, this might be controversial, but outside of the gym or a BBQ pool party, appearing like you're permanently on spring break to Neverland isn't a great look
5) Roommates
You can apply for an artist exemption, but otherwise, it's probably time to venture off into a world free from some dude or dudette lounging on your couch and watching Keeping up the Kardashian's when you bring home a date. The worst roommate of course is someone you call "Mom" or "Dad"
6) Making Out at a Bar
PDA is a staple of fun living from the ages of 13-29. But once you hit thirty, you are no longer in that voting demographic.
7) Going without Health Insurance
You wouldn't go without a roof over head, food in your belly, or money for social activities. Time to safeguard yourself from a cataclysmic event if nothing else.
8) Tanning
Being as wrinkle free as possible and presenting a youthful glow should take precedent over the rubbery bronze look achieved by visiting tanning salons or by using sunscreen lower than SPF 15 or 30.
9) Watching Jackass
Or really any other programming originating on MTV.
10) Buying Gum with a Credit Card
This falls into the category of carrying around more cash than a five year old, withdrawing more than twenty dollars when visiting the ATM, and filling your gas tank all the way up.
11) Frozen Food
Hot Pockets, Frozen Pizza, and Lean Cuisines might be a staple of 20s on the go lifestyle, but it would behoove everyone to learn to cook a few simple dishes not laden with preservatives...or at least discover the food bar at Whole Foods.
12) Owning a Futon
Enough said.
13) Traveling in Sweat Pants
It used to be okay to put comfort over class, not anymore. Sweat Pants in public, not okay.
14) Smoking Cigarettes
In college everyone used to say, "I'll quit when I graduate." When college ended, it was "I'll quit when I'm 30." Well, you're 30. And this might be the last chance to avoid some serious health repercussions down the road. It's obviously not going to be easy, but now is the time to make a painful effort.
15) Not Owning a Vacuum
The days of living in a total sty that only gets cleaned up when the potential for getting laid exists should come to an end.
16) Wearing old Fraternity or Sorority T-shirts
Sigma Chi Forever! No. You should have willed that junk in college, but since you haven't, I recommend googling Good Will or turning your old letters into a nice rag to wash up the car.
I know you're busy, but there's a whole world out there that you should be somewhat informed about. And no, reading headlines that your friends quote as fact doesn't count. Neither do Page 6 or Us Weekly.
18) Drinking Like You're 20
It was never okay to throw up in someone's sink or toilet. But, once upon a time it "happened to everyone." It shouldn't happen anymore. If you run the risk of pissing yourself, I'd advise you to stop drinking period.
19) Jumping to Conclusions
We've been programmed to assume the worst in people. But as we mature, it should become obvious that not everything is black and white. And talking in a clear and honest fashion is much better than avoiding issues, harboring grudges, and rash behavior.
20) Fast Food and Drive-Thrus
The next time you roll up to Taco Bell or McDonald's, it should be either on a long road trip with no other options or with your children in search of a happy meal. Ramen Noodles and Easy Mac not excluded
21) Sexting and "Casual" Romance
You're probably old enough by now to understand that any form of "booty call" or casual romance is rarely casual, at least for one of the parties involved. And if you like seeing someone late at night, you might just like them during the light of day as well.
22) Crashing on Couches and Other Hospitality Services
When it comes to requesting rides to the airport, crashing on couches, or asking for help moving, Barney Stinson summed it up best, "Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers, and repeat after me, friends don't let friends come to see their crappy play."
23) Skateboarding as a Mode of Transportation
Skate or die dude! Just don't do it as an adult unless you're hanging out with Jason Lee.
24) Facebook Stalking
Stop keeping tabs on your ex, the high school prom queen, and whoever else that's distracting you from living your life.
25) Tween Fiction
I know there is an entire section at Barnes & Noble devoted to supernatural teenage romance fiction. But do you know who that section is for? That's a rhetorical question.
26) Be Afraid to Go Out to by Yourself
It's time to stop abandoning the notion that it's uncool or socially unacceptable to go out by yourself. Why shouldn't you enjoy dinner, a drink, or alone? It's better than staying in alone.
27) Exotic Pets
Don't own any reptile as a pet. It's creepy.
28) Cheap Alcohol and Mike's Hard Lemonade
The days of drinking Aristocrat Vodka and Evan Williams Whiskey aren't even ironically funny anymore like they might have been in the years following college. And if you have to drink Mike's Hard Lemonade or Smirnoff Ice, it's time to admit to yourself that you don't like drinking, so stop.
29) Posters
Drinking Posters, Sports Posters, NSYNC Posters. Pretty much any poster that you wouldn't frame should be avoided.
30) Ignorance and Prejudice
You are your own person now. You should have been for a while, but you can no longer hide within your past or upbringing. So if you can't overcome your youthful ignorance to display not only tolerance but genuine compassion for people of all races, ethnicities, lifestyles, etc. then you should probably hole up in the desert by yourself.
*This potentially hypocritical list reads more like last year's new year's resolutions than my philosophy on life.
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