Telephone

Over the last week, I've had the opportunity to speak on a landline for probably the first time in seven or eight years.  Maybe because it's been so long, but I guess somewhere during that time period, I forgot that you were supposed to be able to clearly understand and seamlessly absorb someone's words while listening on the phone.  In fact, the difference in voice quality is so pronounced that I might even be willing to trade the ability to immediately post pictures of Nicoise salads on facebook from my iPhone to hear my friends and family in proper fashion.  It's scary to think about what else we've traded for the sake of convenience.  I can still remember the numbers for most of my childhood friends.  866-2317, 235-8194, and 439-1402 would be my three closest friends from middle school.  I couldn't tell you one person's cell number from the last decade, however.  I guess I don't have to. Nor do I need to know my way around town with the aid of my trusty map app.  But really, perhaps it's ironic on some level that the nuance of voice is becoming more and more distorted through the cellular waves.  In the search for connection, have people not become more and more disconnected?  Why have a conversation with the person in front of you when you can play with your mobile device?    Why call when you can text? Why keep up friendships when you can like their facebook status?  Communication is certainly cheaper and easier than it ever was, and that is something to be desired, but are we really hearing what's being said?

Memoirs of a Delivery Boy

Every so often in life there are moments of self-discovery.  Fleeting instances where fate and destiny seamlessly intertwine to form a...a cosmic fortune cookie. Tonight, my spirit was eclipsed by the spice of Kung Pau and I became aware that my talents in life lie in the art of delivering Chinese Food.  No, I'm not kidding, my blood runneth with duck sauce and my heart belongeth to Hunan.

Seriously, I can't think of anything spicier* than getting paid to drive around with General Tso and a pile of CDs riding shotgun.  If only I could find a way to pay off my student loans with soy sauce.

*Mandarin for Cool

Wedding Songs

A couple's first dance as man and wife is an important wedding ritual and one I've been paying close attention to for years.  Whether I'm supposed to or not, I haven't felt much of anything while watching close friends and family at the alter exchange vows, but when the first dance is carried out to the right song, it can be a transcendent experience.  I sometimes kid that I am a little bit psychic, but it's during this moment, with the pressure of an oftentimes ritualistic charade behind them, when a couple's love has the potential to bleed out into the room.  It's kind of magical.

Unfortunately, I've also witnessed many couples unintentionally stamp on their sparkle.  Some through dance lessons, others by choosing a song rather than letting a song choose them.  So what if the bride and groom aren't gifted dancers?  Aimlessly swaying in lost harmony, sharing in the giggles of imperfection, and serenading each other with unblinking eyes is something special.  Nervously counting steps to impress an audience of guests as if they will be raising scorecards is nothing.

Of course, the most important element to any dance is the song.  I believe everyone who has ever loved someone could play a matching game, pairing up important songs to the cherished people in our lives.  None of which we sat down and decided upon.  When and where they happened are unique to each individual or couple, but it's almost impossible not to feel the synchronized sentiment emanating from the dance floor at a wedding when a loving pair dances without a care in the world.

LAX to Boston to LAX

It seems only fitting that this brief but important passage in my life ends with a Boston wedding.  Four months ago, I boarded a Boston bound redeye armed with a pharmacy to combat an impending cold.  Sickness never came, but I experienced a flu of emotions on a journey that unexpectedly took me to Boston, New York, and Philadelphia before returning to Los Angeles.  Along the way, I felt a revived sense of faith blossom from within, but upon entering my apartment on a sweltering Sunday afternoon, I instantly deflated onto my bed, incapacitated to plug the optimism seeping out of me in all directions.  For the next few months, I looked for those seemingly lost feelings  to discover that although these now scattered emotions could no longer reside in me, I could hold onto them briefly.  And so I felt them flicker like lightning bugs on many summer nights.  Momentarily flashing in my grasp, love then heartbreak, the inspiration I need to write.   The wedding is over and the honeymoon has begun for some.  But tomorrow I’ll board a plane in Boston and return to my apartment in Los Angeles sometime in the afternoon.  Vapidity has rendered me sad, but sadness gives hope that I'm not so empty after all. Either way, I'll pick up a pen and try to make sense of it all.

Great "Bad" Movies

While watching Point Break for the 82nd time this weekend, I reached an epiphany.  Something magical happens when a group of extraordinarily talented people combines forces to work on a bad movie.  For all intensive purposes, Point Break should be terrible.   The plot is ridiculous: Witless surfers disguise themselves in presidential Halloween masks to double as the world's greatest bank robbers.    The cliches are cliche: A rookie FBI agent with something to prove teams up with an old-timer who no one takes seriously in order to take on the "Ex-Presidents."  And Keanu Reeves is the star.  This movie should have been nothing more than a guilty pleasure, "So bad, it's good" type flick,  but with two future academy-award winners at the helm, Point Break became one of the greatest action films of all time.  Too often, filmmakers attempt to achieve "greatness," and lose sight of making an enjoyable film that satisfies the audience.  Sometimes, it is all about the "suspension of disbelief," and with that here are a few more awesome movies...that are kind of bad too.  Just to be clear, these movies aren't "So bad, it's good."  They might be idiotic, but they are well made and peppered with brilliance that enables them to overcome their many flaws.

Alpha Dog
Who would have thought a film based on the kidnapping and murdering of a 15-year-old over a brother's drug debt could be so much fun. But in the hands of Nick Cassavettes and a storm of great, young acting talent, this flick plays out like a satisfying "last meal" before its inevitable end.  Yes (not really a spoiler) the kid is going to get killed, but he goes out in style that leaves the audience almost envious.

Cat's Eye
Three Steven King short horror tales seen (sorta) through the eyes of a stray cat.   There were plenty of bad films adapted from Steven King novels, but I'm drawn to this one, especially the story of James Woods attempting to quit smoking through a sadistic mob-owned service.

Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead
Like Snakes on a Plane, I'm pretty sure the awesome title existed before a plot was conceived.  Okay, this isn't a great movie, nor is it even a good movie, but I find it a cinematic accomplishment to produce a watchable work based on this fact.

Dressed to Kill
I don't know if Brian DePalma has too much to say as a filmmaker.  His films, by and large are rooted in other's greatness (like Hitchcock), but he is a master at crafting suspense and always fills his films top to bottom with plenty of nudity and violence if nothing else.  I actually don't remember much about Dressed to Kill in comparison to DePalma's other works, but I do remember enjoying the hell out of it.

The Happening
What people seem to not understand about M Night's thriller about killer plants is that it's supposed to be a pulpy B-Movie.  It might be idiotic, but it's a ton of fun and loaded with some enticing cinematic sequences.

Margaret
It took Kenneth Lonergan six years to edit his post 9/11 musing morality tale about a teenage girl who may have been responsible for a horrific bus accident.  It's rare for a film to appear on both "best of" and "worst of" year end lists, but Margaret is a work that is both maddening and thought-provoking.

Rio Bravo
Drink in delight every time John Waynes says "Dude," or pronounces Colorado as "Caaalarada."  Drink every time Walter Bremman opens his mouth to speak the language of "Pipsqueak."  And drink when Dean Martin quits drinking cold turkey...by switching to beer.  Rio Bravo is definitely a great western and great film made by one of the greatest directors cinema has every known, but it also works on another, hilarious level.

The Running Man
Well, this one isn't necessarily well made, probably since it was directed by Starsky of Starsy and Hutch, but the performances are top notch.  Arnold Schwarzenegger and Richard Dawson should have shared the Academy-Award for their faceoff in this action satire about a blood-thirsty futuristic society that delights in violent game shows as a means to escape from their dour existence.  Featuring the greatest retort to Arnold's signature "I'll be back," catch-prhase.  "Only in a rerun."

The Ten Commandments
A Passover staple for Jews across the globe that educates as well as entertains.  For example, who knew the Hebrews built the pyramids?    The Ten Commandments is not only worth seeing for the epicness within this 220 minute masterpiece, but also because it's a great revenge flick.  When Moses, played by Rabbi Charlton Heston, proclaims, "Let my people go," he is really saying, "Don't fuck with Jews."

Road Rash

Running crystal meth, sure.  Robbing rest stops, why not?  But you know you've been watching too much Sons of Anarchy when it seems like a good idea to call up some of your biker cronies and terrorize an Asian family cruising along the Westside Highway on a lazy Sunday Afternoon.  Apparently that's what motorcycle badasses do for fun these days, though.  In a spectacularly frightening youtube video that I first confused as a sneak peak for the forthcoming "found footage" remake of Beyond Thunderdome, a pack of bikers surround a Range Rover, and force him to stop.  Well, actually, it appears that one of the bikers brakes directly in front of the SUV and is clipped, which apparently gives the bikers even more of a reason to stir some shit up yo.  What happens next is difficult to tell from the footage, but as the intimidating bikers converge on the SUV, the fearful driver guns it and runs over three bikes in an attempt to escape with his wife and two-year-old daughter.

The Range Rover gets caught in traffic several minutes into the ensuing chase, and the video ends with one biker yanking off his helmet and using it to smash the SUV window.  What we don't see is the driver being dragged out of his vehicle in front of his wife and child and beaten on the street.  Nor do we see one of the run-over bikers incurring some horrific injuries.   While we haven't heard yet from the driver, who has been identified as Alexien Lien, we have heard from the seriously injured biker's family, who adamantly proclaimed him an innocent victim of the driver in this whole mess.  They even have a "Justice for Jay Meeze" set up on facebook, which not only seeks donations for medical debt incurred by this "act of violence" but also calls for the driver to be charged with attempted manslaughter.  

I do feel bad for the biker who may be paralyzed from the waist down, and I by no means implore a "He got what he deserved" philosophy that riddles the comments section of the youtube video.   But referring to him as a victim is akin to calling a robber who breaks his back escaping from a third story church window as a martyr.

Video of the incident below...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INfElroIKO0